Baldur’s Gate 3 - Long No Rest (A XXX Parody)

“Too many close calls this day. Too many arrows sailing inches from your cheek and too many swords crossing harshly with yours. It’s time for the party to take a long rest. Recover some spirit. Shadowheart...

The Absolute has bound you and Shadowheart deeply, and there's nothing that binds you more strongly than your ongoing fight for survival against the Mind Flayers. With the artefact in her possession...

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“With the creche still far off, Lae’zel has been getting anxious about purification. She’d try anything to get it done, she says. As it so happens, you know of a forbidden activity that sometimes-maybe-probably-not-but-might...

“Day one of Karlach’s temperature running mild enough to touch her. How good that must feel! First she asked for a hug. Second she asked for the two best fighters in camp. Third she asked you two to...

“Twisted up with Shadowheart. An enviable spot for any man. But the curse in this place messes with your head too. Whether it’s your cleric girlfriend or the villainous Orin the Red choking on your...

“I think you downloaded the wrong game. You thought that you were pirating Baldur’s Gate 3, but you must have misread the acronym on the game file. It actually reads BJ 3! Interesting. Still seems...

“Karlach reset one of her new skills during that last long rest. You haven’t tried it before, but apparently it’s a non-combat skill. Infernal… fornication? Something that she casts to raise the...

“Your busty Tiefling companion, Karlach, as been fighting by your side through all sorts of encounters. Amusingly, you’ve been getting hit with a charmed condition each time you see her vault over...

“Fighter Lae’zel has been downed by the raiders! She passed her saving throw, but now it is up to you to help her to her feet. You may not be a necromancer but you do know how to make things rise....

“Shadowheart should be happy. You gave her the princess treatment. Breaking into the royal apartments was just a normal thing but banging on their bed will add insult to injury to those snobs.”

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